Since I used to live out in the country, I think I'd had a grand total of two trick-or-treaters in the past seven years or so. Now that I moved to the city, I didn't know what to expect, so I went out and got enough candy for about a hundred kiddies. It turns out that the actual count was much lower... I ended up giving out goodies to a total of six kiddies. Well, to be honest, there were eight all together but two of those were my nephews. Needless to say, I've got a lot of candy left for me to munch on. I think I must have eaten more candy tonight than I gave away! Oh well, next year I'll have a better idea of what to expect.

So let's see... last night... it's dark outside, almost midnight, the temperature was below freezing, it was snowing with very slippery conditions... yup, it's a perfect time to climb an aluminum ladder and try to adjust my satellite dish! Well, okay, it wasn't really the perfect time to do it, but I was about to go into TV withdrawal and the desparate situation called for desparate measures. The good news was that I didn't fall off the ladder. The bad news was that I dropped part of my satellite dish off of the roof of my house and onto my driveway. The good news was that nothing actually broke! The bad news was that I didn't get the dish adjusted properly last night. The super-duper-ultra-good news was that tonight I tried again, and with the help of my buddies I'm happy to say that everything is now peachy keen. And none too soon either, because tomorrow night is the season premiere of the Fox television show '24'. You won't want to miss that one. I'd say that the last season of '24' was one of the best and most intense television series that I've ever seen. Seriously... it is that good.

Hmm... late last night (the first night in my new house) I heard some noise outside, so I looked out the window to have a look. There were two RCMP (police) cars at the house across the street from mine. It must not have been too serious, because the cops left the house a few minutes later and it didn't look like they took any "extra passengers" with them, so to speak. Oh well, it actually wasn't too disruptive. I just found it funny that on my first night here there ends up being an incident across the street.

Woo hoo, it's official... I am now living in my new house. (In fact, right now for the first time ever, I'm using my computer in my new living room.) I haven't actually moved all of my stuff here yet, but I have moved my bed, my computer, and my TV. Therefore, by my own definition, I now pronounce myself "moved!" Of course, now I'm way to wired to actually fall sleep, which is why I'm typing this in the middle of the night.

Rudiak sent me this email the other day. The next time you get into a heated "yo mama" arguement with someone, try a few of these out and I guarantee you'll win the war!

Yo Mama's so fat...

she has to iron her pants on the driveway.

when she dances she makes the band skip.

when she was diagnosed with the flesh-eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.

she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

her ass has its own congressman.

her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.

her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."

the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

all the restaurants in town have signs that say "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama."

when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

she's got smaller fat women orbiting her.

I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

her nickname is "DAAAMN!!"

she's on BOTH sides of the family.

when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.

she could sell shade.

when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.

people jog around her for exercise.

she gets runs in her jeans.

her blood type is Ragu.

when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!

she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

she can't even jump to a conclusion.

she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.

she was walking down the street, I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas.

Today got off to a great start for a change. Every traffic light was green on my way in to work. There are four of them, that I have to drive through each morning, and the reason this is such a momumental occasion is that they are almost never syncronized. I can handle stopping for a red light. But I can not handle stopping at four consecutive red lights that are each only a block apart. That is absolute insanity! (And then they wonder why people speed and run through red lights and generally go completely mental!) And then, when I got to work, I got to sit on my brand new fat-ass leather chair that my boss decided to buy for me yesterday. Woo hoo... this thing is sweet! And it smells like a football (I love that!)

I hadn't looked at my blog's log file lately. Apparently there have been tons of people who have found this site by searching for "ZipZaps" through a variety of search websites, such as Google. There's been 65 hits (and counting) in the past couple of days alone! That's kind of funny, since this blog doesn't have anything to do with ZipZaps, other than the fact that I mentioned them in my post on September 28th. I guess there's a lot of people who are reading my site with great disappointment as they expect to read something about the Radio Shack cars. Oh well. All I can say is... "haw haw!" (You can read that in a Nelson Muntz voice.)

Yesterday was my first hockey game of the year and it sure got off to an interesting start. I made my usual late arrival at the arena and started to get dressed. As I was changing, I noticed that I had forgot to bring my hockey pants. (These heavily padded pants are quite essential to the game, especially if you happen to take a hockey puck shot off the ass, which seems to happen to me a little too often. Of course, my excuse is that since I play defense I'm supposed to get in the way of the puck!) One guy on my team had a spare pair of pants, but there was absolutely no possible way that I would have fit into those. I need my pants to be... uh, "roomie." (Okay, let's just say that I require size triple-extra fat-ass.) Anyway, I live 15 minutes away from the arena but I had no other choice but to drive home to obtain my pants. I basically set the land speed record during the drive, and I got back to the arena, put on the rest of my equipment, and got to the ice about eight minutes into the game. Since the game was already in progress, I was immediately sent into action to substitute for the guy that was covering for me. Yikes, that felt so weird to get to the rink for the first time of the season, step out onto the ice, and go directly into a playing situation with no warm up or anything. But it actually worked better than I would have imagined. After spending all of about six seconds remembering how to skate, it all came back to me and I was able to get into gear. I have to admit that we ended up losing the game, but it was only a scrimmage anyway so it really was no big deal. The league starts in November, so as long as we can get things rolling by then, we should be alright. And I don't think that I'll be forgetting to bring my pants to any more games this year. I've totally learned my lesson!

Everyone who frequents our local Tim Hortons donut shop knows that the service will be slow. I just don't understand it. If there are even two people in front of you (in the line-up at the order counter), it can take up to ten minutes until you get served. Seriously, it is that slow. Which makes it hard to understand how they can be so incredibly fast when you go through the drive-through. If there were ever a contest for the fastest drive-through in the world, our Tim Hortons would be guaranteed to win. Here's an example of what I'm talking about... at the risk of sounding like a complete nerd I will admit that a few days ago, I decided to use a stop watch to time how long it would take me to receive my order at their drive-through. I pulled up to the microphone, and ordered the "chili meal deal" which consists of a bowl of chili, a dinner roll, medium coffee, and a donut. I started timing the moment that I finished placing my order. Then I drove ahead to the pick-up window. As soon as I arrived at the window they instantly handed me the coffee. I gave them a $20 bill to pay for the order. They gave my change and handed me my order which was bagged and ready to go. Total elapsed time from when I placed my order, until I had paid, received my change and my food was a grand total of 15 seconds. Fifteen frickin' seconds! And I'm not rounding off either. It was exactly 15 seconds. That was faster than I had even imagined was possible. So then why, oh why, does it take so long when I want to eat inside? Strange.

Hey boys and girls, I'm back! (Did you miss me?) Well, I haven't actually been gone, but since I took possession of my house on the first of October, I've basically been slaving away, day and night. I didn't know that getting a house would be so much work! (Well, okay... actually I did know it would be a lot of work but it's still taking a little longer to get going than I thought it would.) I'm painting the entire interior of the house, all the baseboards, trim, and the doors. For the walls, I chose a tan colour called "Salt Lake Sand" and for the trim and doors, I'm using a shade of white called "Queen Ann's Lace." Don't you just love the names that they give these colours? It's kind of funny. I guess they all want something that sounds unique. Anyway, I wasted two entire days removing wallpaper. I now realize how much I hate wallpaper! It is evil stuff. Then I spent about a day, knocking a hole through the wall between the dining room and the living room. No, not just a random hole... this is a 6' by 4' rectangular opening, that is technically called a "pass through." The point of it, is so that it opens up a couple of rooms, making them seem a little bigger and brighter. It sounded like a simple operation, but because this was a support wall, it was a little tricky to get it done right. Right now, pretty much everything is finished, except for painting the window trim and baseboards. I'm getting pretty excited to move in, but it will probably be a few more days.